


Wear Your Love Like Heaven

by kosame



Series: Think of Me [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-21
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-16 18:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/542487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosame/pseuds/kosame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prussia had thought everything was clear and straightforward, but it turns out other people need a little more educating than he'd realized.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I gave every character I'd seen in fics as asexual before ambiguously-asexual cameos in "Think of Me" (except Austria who got cut ;_;), but the only one of them who I really intended to make asexual for sure was Prussia. This is Prussia's story, concurrent to "Think of Me," but the two don't intersect much, so you don't have to have read it to understand this.
> 
> As explanation of the headcanon used in this fic: Prussia lives in Germany's basement. The other former German states are still around and live primarily in their own homes being generally retired, but they often come to visit Germany for a variety of reasons, meaning Prussia has to share his basement a lot. I am not an expert on pre-unification German history, so I am relying heavily on other people's characterizations for help. Brandenburg in particular is heavily influenced by the fic "[Civil Union](http://nationslash.livejournal.com/52109.html)". That said, none of the German states gets too terribly much screen time; the story focuses mainly on Prussia.

The basement door clicked shut, and Prussia leaned back against it, luxuriating for just a moment in the _quiet_. He knew it was just his imagination, but it seemed like the others' visits had become simultaneously longer and more frequent, and the constant disruptions were really starting to wear on him. Especially with the combination they'd shown up in this time--

"Something wrong?" Germany stopped just inside the small hallway, most likely just returned from work judging from the improbable stack of files in his arms and the glasses he wore only to work askew across the bridge of his nose.

Prussia fought off a sigh; he hadn't had any intention of letting Germany get even the slightest inkling of his current problem. Worry about Prussia on top of everything else was the last thing that he needed. "Here, let me help you with that," he said, lurching forward to take some of the mountain of paper. As he accepted the top half of the stack, a flash of inspiration hit him.

Apparently the smirk was just as disconcerting as the dejected pose he'd taken before, because the lines of worry on Germany's face deepened. "Bruder?"

"Is it just me, or is this pile twice the size of last week's?" Prussia asked lightly, turning to lead the way to Germany's study.

"Well, probably a little less than that..." Germany hedged.

"It must be _exhausting_." Prussia shook his head in disapproval. "I really don't like seeing my little brother worked to the bone like this. That's why I've decided to help you like the magnanimous man I am!"

Germany set the papers he was carrying down on the desk and then just stared blankly at Prussia.

"I see you're in awe of my generosity."

"Ha ha," Germany said dryly after a moment. "You always tell the funniest jokes."

" _You_ certainly don't," Prussia said, disposition turning sour. "Here I am, _honestly worried about you_ \--"

Germany laughed that time. "That one was actually funny." Prussia narrowed his eyes, and Germany went on, "You don't worry about anything."

If only. Prussia made a mental note to make sure the next kid he raised was grateful for all the lies big brothers have to tell to make their little brothers feel better. "You make it sound like you don't _want_ my help."

"No offense, but what do you know about EU policy?"

"Nothing," Prussia admitted, pivoting to the attack. "But there's all kinds of domestic shit that I have more experience doing than certain people in this room."

Germany took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "And I'm grateful for how you put that experience to work currently."

"So then I don't see the issue here," Prussia pressed. "You asked me to take care of Berlin, and I get that shit done faster than Bayern could eat lunch." He went in for the kill, averting his eyes and letting vulnerability into his voice, "Maybe it's just hard for me to watch my brother work himself into the ground." He didn't look back up, letting Germany's worrywart nature do his work for him.

"Fine." It was more a sigh than a response, but Prussia would take it.

***

"Dinner, losers!" Prussia called down the stairs. "It's potatoes!" He drifted back into the dining room and was dishing out portions as the rumble of heavy feet came up the steps.

"You're doing this on purpose," Bavaria accused him even as he slid into his chair. It was the third night in a row Prussia had made the blandest thing he could think of.

"Good call," Prussia said with false cheer. _If you don't like the food, then_ go home.

"Be careful," Saxony snickered. "You'll ruin your prospects with your poor cooking."

Prussia very deliberately set down the pot and went to the doorway. "West! I'm not calling you again!" He took his seat and stared at the space in between Bavaria and Saxony's heads until he heard Germany's soft apologies for keeping them waiting as he entered the room.

There was silence as they began eating until Germany cleared his throat awkwardly and asked, "Sachsen, how was your meeting?" Prussia rolled his eyes; Germany seemed to feel it was his responsibility to make sure they all got along, apparently not really understanding that the absence of sniping and griping _was_ "getting along" for them.

"We signed the lease," he replied with a proud grin.

"Lease?" Prussia echoed.

"What did you _think_ I was doing up here? Business is so good in Leipzig and Dresden, we're opening a branch up here."

"And what makes you think we'll be able to stomach your shitty sandwiches with our refined palate?" Prussia said almost offhandedly.

"'Refined palate'," Bavaria snorted.

"Still having those delusions of grandeur?" Saxony shot back.

"Of course we--" Prussia stopped, catching himself mid-turn. He couldn't look for support from--

"I think I'll reserve judgment on the shittiness of the sandwiches until I've had one," Brandenburg put in from just where Prussia could see him in his peripheral vision. His expression was as disinterested as ever, but Prussia still braced himself. "I expect they have more taste than these."

It stung. Prussia carefully moved to face forward again and stared down into his dinner. There was another silence until Germany hesitantly cleared his throat again and asked after Bavaria's day.

***

Brandenburg had curtly announced he'd do the dishes, breaking up their "civil" after-dinner conversation. The other three wandered off, Germany and Saxony to work, and Bavaria presumably to go into a food coma for all he'd complained, so that left Prussia arguing with himself over whether to feel guilty for making a complete mess of the kitchen or just bring the stack of plates inside and beat hasty retreat. The fact that the first time Brandenburg had spoken in his general direction in days had been to insult him made the latter look increasingly attractive.

To be honest, he didn't understand why Brandenburg was still here if he was so angry. It's not like he lived far away; if he needed to see West he could easily come in on the train for a few hours and then go straight back. He puzzled it over as he consolidated the pitiful leftovers and dragged his feet carrying everything in, but no answer was forthcoming.

"I'm cleaning the whole kitchen in the morning anyway," Prussia offered quietly as he set down the collected dishes at Brandenburg's elbow; he was already elbow-deep in the pots. Prussia risked a quick glance at his face, but nothing showed there. He got a grunt of understanding and nothing more.

Following plan B, Prussia turned to go, but stopped in the middle of the kitchen and looked back over his shoulder. There was tension written in Brandenburg's back, his aura warning people away. So, Prussia left, heading down the stairs to the sanctuary of his computer.

***

"Sorry, guys, I gotta get off early tonight."

A chorus of groans came over the conference line. "At least stick around until Chris gets here," Brad tried. Chris lived in Vancouver, which normally wasn't a problem since Prussia stayed up until morning, but he also didn't want West to think he wasn't serious about working because he _was_ , dammit.

"I really can't," Prussia said. "I know you're all upset because you're going to get your asses whooped without me here to save you--"

"As if," Cheryl said as she simultaneously took out three of their computerized enemies. "Maybe we're just wondering what the hell is up with you recently."

"It's nothing," Prussia said, getting a little annoyed about the stubbornness of the guy in front of him in his refusal to die.

"C'mon, Gil," said Alex, "It's like we're not your friends or something."

Prussia rolled his eyes. "You don't want to hear about my boring-ass problems."

"Yes, we do," said Cheryl.

"Quit wasting time and spit it out!" Brad demanded.

"Okay, okay, fine," Prussia said, trying to think of some way to explain things that wouldn't make him sound like a centuries-old semi-immortal lunatic. "So, you know all those guys my brother lets stay here?"

"The ones you don't get along with?"

"Yeah," Prussia said, getting in a particularly vicious hit. "Well, I actually used to be pretty close with one of them, but it turns out the resident shit-stirrer got it in his head that we used to _date_."

"Don't you hate that guy's guts anyway?"

"Yeah, it wouldn't have mattered except apparently it turns out the guy who I was close to actually does like me, so he got pretty upset when I laughed in the douchebag's face."

"Ouch," Brad said in sympathy, probably; it could have also been he was getting beaten currently.

"So now, on top of Dickface and Lardass, my only ally's gone all cold and angry on me."

"Did you give him a reason to think you and him were going to be more than friends?" Alex asked thoughtfully. He could be annoying in how he liked to "fix" other people's problems for them, but Prussia appreciated the sentiment if nothing else.

"I didn't _think_ so, but then I also didn't think he dated people at all." That might actually have been the most unsettling part of the situation: Prussia had thought there was someone else like him in the world, and then Brandenburg had turned around and proved that actually he _was_ apparently a freak of nature.

"Ugh, my sister's like that," Brad said. "She made this big to-do about being 'asexual,' but now she's got a boyfriend. _Then_ she got offended when I told her I was confused and apparently got all the people on her message board to agree with her what I neanderthal I was."

"Well, in general you are, so we can't really fault her," Cheryl said. "Gil, I think you should probably just give him some space. He'll get over it."

That was exactly what Prussia was planning on doing, but it was still nice to hear someone agreed with him. "Yeah," he said, unable to wait for the next day when he could finally get out of this _house_. "Thanks, I will."


	2. Chapter 2

"What the actual _fuck_ is your problem!?" Prussia tried not to step on any of the files he'd dropped all over the floor after being body-checked into the wall.

Brandenburg ignored him, intending to keep walking, but Prussia had had _enough_. He grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into his room, shutting the door and abandoning his briefcase in the hall. He pushed Brandenburg up against the closed door and dug his fingers into his shoulders. There was a long moment where the only sound was their breathing, then Brandenburg finally said, "Let go."

"Answer me," Prussia countered, keeping his voice low so they wouldn't be overheard.

"No, you're right," Brandenburg began, but there was a chill in his voice that Prussia had never heard directed at him before. "How foolish of me to imagine that centuries of dedication and devotion meant anything."

He hated it when anyone made him feel like an idiot, but he also knew he'd only be proved to _be_ an idiot if he took the emotionally-manipulative bait. He backed off a few steps and answered seriously, "It meant-- It _means_ a lot. A hell of a lot. Which is why I don't _understand_ why you're acting like this."

"Being publicly denounced and humiliated isn't an insignificant slight," Brandenburg said tightly, slivers of emotion starting to break through his aloof facade. He took a shaky breath. "You didn't have to _laugh_."

Prussia closed his eyes in exasperation, not sure what he could say that he hadn't already said. "I'm sorry, I'm insensitive and crass, I didn't _know_."

"How could you not _know_!? What did you _think_!?"

"I thought--" The words caught in Prussia's throat. He'd thought Brandenburg was the one person who understood, even without him saying it aloud, but that was just another way he'd been _totally fucking wrong_ , wasn't it. "I don't know what I thought," he lied.

Brandenburg laughed hollowly. "Of course. You've always been too distracted by your ambition to see. I already know I was the fool for thinking that might change now that there _is_ no next big offensive, but I never realized you thought of me as a joke."

"Listen. I fucked it up, I know I fucked it up, but you have to listen to me. You are so," he struggled for a word, " _important_." The blank stare was back, though, and Prussia buried a hand in his hair in frustration. This was going nowhere. "Dammit, if I'm such a liar, then why are you still _here_?"

"I was--" Brandenburg abruptly cut himself off. Prussia didn't bother to stop him as he slipped out the door.

Slumping on his bed, Prussia let out a deep sigh and scrubbed his face with his hands. What the hell was he going to _do_?

***

"C'mon," Prussia wheedled. Switzerland's face didn't even twitch. Prussia was aware his "informal" addition to the conference had not put him in the good books of the order-lovers in his life (West had bitched the whole way there), but Prussia really needed Switzerland to do him a solid here and not throw him out on the street to fend for himself.

"There were some," Switzerland's nose wrinkled in distaste, " _last minute changes_ that have left several people in singles. Österreich, for example."

It was pretty obviously a ploy to get Prussia to give up on staying there. Too bad Switzerland didn't know Prussia was _desperate_. He gave him a cheery smile and said, "Österreich's great!"

It actually turned out to be doubly worth it to see a flicker of surprise on Switzerland's face, maybe for the first time ever. He narrowed his eyes as if he could somehow divine if Prussia had any malicious intent, but reluctanly handed over the room key in the end.

Prussia gave him a light, "thanks," and waited until the elevator doors closed before letting the smile drop from his face. He leaned up against the wall, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath. There was no way in hell he could have stayed in that house without even their tacit agreement to keep Germany in the dark about their various disagreements to protect him. Maybe he was getting old, but even he wasn't willing to martyr himself over something like this when he had the option to run away.

"Hey, roomie," he said as he walked in the room flopped down on the bed he decided was his.

"What are you doing here?" Austria demanded, startled and wide-eyed behind his glasses.

"If you don't mind, I'm _really_ not in the mood," Prussia informed the ceiling. He turned over on his side petulantly. "If I could take a sleeping pill and sleep through the rest of the week, I would."

There was a cautious silence that didn't bode well, and then Austria went and asked, "I am only an uninvolved third party, but is something the matter?" Things were simpler back before they had tried to start being decent to each other.

Prussia thought about telling him. Austria would understand better than anyone the complicated relationships they all had with each other, and he wasn't the type to blab. Unlike Prussia's internet friends, who he _did_ love dearly despite the fact that they couldn't help, Austria could probably offer the most constructive perspective maybe of anyone. But, that would involve telling.

Austria sighed. "Not that it's in my interest to help you recover your usual... vitality." Prussia could hear the rustle of papers as Austria returned to his work.

"Thanks," Prussia said anyway. "I'll walk you to the conference room in the morning."

"I can make it to the elevator on my own, thank you very much!" Austria said, but it was clear he wasn't as insulted as he was trying to sound. Prussia smiled and let himself fall face forward into the mattress.

***

Prussia realized he may have made a mistake the second day he had to spend wandering around Geneva all alone. He was the only adult not attending the conference, and it was either walk around town or getting roped into playing double dutch with the kiddie brigade. Ordinarily he didn't mind much talking to the micronations; they appreciated the fact that he'd give them the time of day. But he wasn't really up for it with all the trouble at home weighing on his mind, certainly not all-day-every-day for the duration of the conference.

That meant, though, that he was left alone with his thoughts, and there was plenty to dwell on. Prussia didn't get along with people easily; even his friendships tended to have an adversarial tinge to them. While he knew they put up with him because they liked him, it was still tiring sometimes, not able to turn himself _off_ and just relax. He always had to keep up his image, and while he had no regrets, it still wasn't easy being awesome as he was full-time.

That's probably why he was so upset, he thought. Brandenburg was probably the person who knew him best in the whole world, the person who he didn't have to be someone around but rather he could simply _be_. The fact it turned out that Brandenburg didn't know him as well as Prussia had thought was deeply disquieting, in the same way that he was very concerned there were facets to Brandenburg that he had had _no fucking clue_ about.

It wasn't really the big issue, though. They could learn more about each other, it wasn't difficult. What Prussia was truly afraid of was that they couldn't come back from this argument. He couldn't un-know that Brandenburg was apparently in love with him anymore than Brandenburg could un-hear Prussia dismiss the idea of them as lovers so categorically.

No matter how much he examined his feelings, though, they always came back the same. And if he was going to fall in love with anyone, surely it would be Brandenburg, right?

Sometimes he actually still thought the Nation community was collectively punking him, that actually their kind didn't fall in love, wasn't _made_ for love. But even just going out last night, he could tell it was genuine when Denmark had been distracted over Norway and England had complained earnestly about what a cheeky bastard he was for daring to be so happy in between congratulatory claps on the back.

It had never really bothered him before, how he was broken, but now it was making his best friend unhappy and he had no idea how to fix it. He wasn't even sure he could. How could he be something he's just _not_?

***

"We're home!" The words echoed through the house, but the only greeting they got was from the dogs. "Here, I'll take that," Prussia offered, leaving his brother to give his babies the attention they'd been denied the past few days.

"Thanks," Germany said sheepishly, and it was worth struggling with the bags whenever he got to see his brother lose the thirty years dealing with the EU apparently added to his face. He was still smiling when he saw the notes on the table as he walked past. He stopped and let the bags hang loosely from his hands as he read them: one from Saxony, saying he'd be back in two weeks to meet with the architect for the remodeling in his shop; one from Bavaria promising to send some _palatable_ food up to them when he got home that got a small laugh out of Prussia; and one from Brandenburg that just said, "I'm going home. I think I might have overstayed my welcome. Sorry."

There was nothing about it that was unusual; Brandenburg was very concerned with proper etiquette no matter how many times Germany tried to assert there was no need for that kind of formality between them. He'd probably just frown at it slightly and then forget it. But it made Prussia's stomach sink like a lead weight and left room for an ache of despair take its place.


	3. Chapter 3

It was probably a bad sign, Prussia supposed, when _Germany_ had gotten his nose out of EU fiscal policy long enough to notice the amount of paperwork Prussia completed was not in line with his slightly-abbreviated work days. His brother had been shooting him his not-subtle-at-all worried glances for two days now, and it was only a matter of time before he decided that they needed to "productively discuss" things.

Prussia wasn't looking forward to _that_ conversation. He'd asked for the job as a little escape, but somehow part-time had turned into nearly-full-time (and also late nights after Germany went to sleep), which made sense in how typically _him_ it was, and he was nearly disgusted with himself. He was _supposed_ to be enjoying his retirement, and instead he was working even harder than the little brother he'd ostensibly tried to save from it.

It was just hard being at home, especially with Saxony popping in and out more and more frequently as work on his shop began, reminding Prussia with his stupid face of the troubles that he'd needed the escape from in the first place. He spent all of his off hours at the computer with his headphones on to keep out the new circus rolling through Berlin of Westphalia-and-Rhineland. At least his internet friends didn't try to hold "productive discussions."

Besides productivity, though, Prussia was also gifted in tactics, which is why he decided he'd had enough of Germany's worried frowns and would take the advantage of framing the topic of discussion for himself. "So, it's been long enough, are you ready to admit that taking my help was the best decision you ever made?"

Germany looked startled, and Prussia internally took glee in upsetting what must have been days of important consideration of how to broach the subject. "You certainly have been a great help," Germany hedged, but Prussia wasn't about to let this turn into the intervention Germany wanted.

"See? Awesome. So, that means I can come with you to the conference next week, right?"

"I was thinking, you might want to take that time as a holiday instead..."

"Obviously," Prussia said, finishing off another document with a flourish. He had _great_ handwriting. "You didn't think I was interested in the conference itself, did you?"

Germany cleared his throat, and Prussia braced himself. "Forgive me if I am incorrect, but you seem to be... unhappy, recently. You've always loved Pots--"

"I'm not _unhappy_ ," Prussia cut him off. He hadn't expected Germany would have picked up on the rift between him and Brandenburg, and it was a little disconcerting. "And even if I was, all of my _friends_ are going to be in Washington with you."

"I suppose that's true," Germany said, but he didn't look happy as he did so.

***

It probably actually wasn't funny, but it was either laugh or cry, and so when Denmark mumbled into his arm he was apparently asexual, Prussia decided to make the most of it. "You're a dinosaur?"

The string of curses Denmark let out then was truly impressive, and Prussia thought he might appropriate it for himself when he could react like a rational person would and _lose his shit_ without outing himself in the process. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that," was all Denmark said, and Prussia let himself relax a little that the veiled joke he'd made from all the time he furtively spent on the AVEN forums didn't appear to ring a bell. Of course, it _was_ a little obscure, but Prussia had more, cheerfully interjecting Insensitive Reaction's Greatest Hits in between England's apparently genuine confusion.

Then England had to go and say, "Are you sure you aren't sick? Traumatized? I always had my suspicions about old Germania," and suddenly it stopped being funny.

"Hey, lay off Germania," Prussia managed to get out through the bitterness of being proved _right_ mingled with the taste of a betrayal he'd fully expected.

"Well, it's not like it's very _normal_ is it? They have drugs to treat that sort of thing, you know," England added to Denmark, who was clearly not paying them any attention any longer.

"He's not talking about not being able to get it up, he's talking about a sexual orientation. Did you listen to anything he said?"

"It just doesn't make any sense. Reproduction is the natural goal of all species. Why would an organism evolve something to foul the whole thing up?"

"Sorry, guys, I'm not feeling so good all of the sudden," Denmark said before Prussia could respond, and as he lurched away Prussia felt simultaneously sorry for the poor bastard and a little upset that he'd brought the topic into the open. Now Prussia didn't even have the small sliver of hope that _maybe_ people wouldn't react poorly to bolster his spirits, and he'd have to be careful of heightened scrutiny from nosy busybodies who previously hadn't had asexuality on their radar.

Prussia almost wished he could join Denmark in the everything's-gone-to-shit party, but he turned back to his drink instead, trying not to resent England cheerfully babbling to the man who had taken Denmark's place after he left.

***

Prussia cackled as Germany returned to their hotel room and began massaging his temples in an effort to stave off his impending headache. "How was the meeting?" he asked solicitously.

"Chaotic, as always." Germany's frown deepened at the memory. "The gossip was beyond unprofessional."

"Gossip?" Prussia asked. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Germany opened his eyes and looked at Prussia, confused. "You were identified as the source."

"What?" Prussia sat up straighter under his laptop. "I can't believe people are stooping so low as to not even tell me the rumor before accusing me of spreading it!"

Germany sighed. "I spoke privately with Dänemark about it--"

"This is about Dänemark?" Prussia turned back to his computer, tone taking a forced nonchalance. "Why would I gossip about him? There's nothing to tell."

Germany's confusion intensified. "You don't find Nation's sexualities gossip-worthy?"

Prussia pursed his lips. "The point is he's not doing anyone. It's nobody's business."

Suspicion began to germinate in the back of Germany's mind. "That's not your usual philosophy."

Prussia closed his laptop with an abrupt click. "I'm going out."

"With whom?"

"Spanien and Frankreich," Prussia answered as if Germany shouldn't have had to ask. "Try and have some fun tonight," he added over his shoulder from the doorway.

"Be safe," Germany responded. He heard the lock click shut, and sat puzzled at what had just happened. After a moment, he decided it probably just his imagination, and fished out the book he'd been reading from his bag, settling in for some "fun." 

***

Prussia took a deep breath, let it out, and fixed a relaxed expression on his face before pulling open the door to the bar, letting the blast of AC hit him in the face. It was a sportsbar, obvious from the dozen TVs bombarding him on all sides with baseball games. It wasn't really France's or Spain's usual style, but then, he could pretty clearly picture America here spilling his crappy beer all over himself every time he got overexcited and the recommendations list wasn't exactly a secret. Neither was America's fake ID, which Prussia found amusing as _hell_ that the kid got around his own drinking laws, but one look at the bartender and Prussia imagined the jovially rotund man had never even asked to see it.

"What can I getcha?" he asked, and Prussia gave him his order, idly staring up at the game as he waited. "The Nats've really got a shot this year, huh?" the bartender said as he slid over the bottle.

"I wouldn't know," Prussia shrugged. "I'm only in town on business."

The bartender gave his clothes a once over and guessed, "You from out West?"

"East, actually." At the man's confusion, Prussia clarified, "Germany."

"Is that right?" the bartender asked, Prussia was willing to put money on the fact that he was currently thinking, _But he doesn't_ sound _like Arnold Schwarzenegger_ , which was wrong in so many ways, Prussia couldn't even be bothered to start. "You wouldn't know it," the bartender said, confirming Prussia's suspicions.

"Don't be disappointed, a couple of colleagues are meeting me here later, and one of them cultivates as heavy an accent as he can just to be annoying." Prussia leaned forward and added in a mock whisper, "He's French."

The bartender let out a bright peal of laughter that was so infectious that Prussia couldn't help but smile himself. "Can't wait to meet him!"

Slapping the bar in a friendly way, Prussia wandered off to nurse his beer and wait for France and Spain to show up. He'd left a little earlier than he needed to, but he really didn't need a Germany already worried about him and with Denmark's revelation on his mind stressing him out even more at the moment. At least he'd brought his laptop this time so he could spend the daytime working on his blog and chatting with his friends.

It wasn't long before France and Spain showed up, waving to him as they ordered their drinks and then wandered over. He wasn't really under the illusion it was going to be a stress-free meeting, but maybe it would pass with only a mention...

"I'm hurt," Spain said as he slid into the seat next to Prussia, "that you were sharing some gossip and didn't tell _me_ first."

"Let me spell this out for you, my friend: of the two of us that were there, I'm not the one who has loud conversations with complete strangers about anything and everything I find wrong with the world when I get a little tipsy."

Spain smiled brilliantly. "Ah, I knew we were too close for you to leave me out like that!"

"Yeah, yeah. And you, you're not miffed?"

"Why would I be miffed not to be informed of something I have known for quite a while?" France asked in an aloof tone. Prussia's hope this wouldn't be a topic of discussion flagged as Spain took the bait.

"What!? How did you know?"

"Well, it is the sort of thing one asks before agreeing to be the third party in their little dream of free love."

He really couldn't help spilling his beer. "What?" he croaked.

"No," Spain said, scandalized.

"It's really quite endearing, how desperately they're trying to solve their little problem. Or, I suppose, it would be if they weren't going about it completely wrong."

"How?" Prussia said, not entirely of his conscious mind's volition. France's eyes seemed to be getting more and more suspicious, so Prussia feinted. "I mean, how would you fix it, o wise relationship guru?"

As predicted, France couldn't resist even despite the heavy sarcasm in Prussia's voice. "Well, I suppose they might start with ceasing to pretend I don't exist. I find the absence of Danemark in my life telling in how little honesty and how many forced happy faces there must be between them. Honestly, I only agreed to get involved to mitigate the damage, but Norvège has proved too stubborn to take my advice thus far."

"I suppose it's a testament to their passion for one another, though," Spain said thoughtfully.

Prussia snorted. "And how far will that get them? How're you supposed to make a relationship work when one of you has feelings the other doesn't? You can't."

"Now now," France put in, "I wouldn't give up just yet. The majestic force that is love has its ways."

"What's impossible is impossible," Prussia muttered, shaking his head. The momentary renewal of hope he'd had faded; Denmark wasn't making it work either, because it couldn't be done.

"No love is impossible. Not if you're honest and true to your feelings."

"Why don't we discuss something a little lighter, huh?" Spain cut in, trying to dissipate some of the contention between France and Prussia. "No need to be so gloomy when we have good booze and good friends!"

That's right. That's why Prussia was here. He lifted his glass to Spain's toast and tried to stop France's words from echoing in his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

Prussia lay on his bed in his basement in Berlin, pillow over his face. He was halfway through a (private) blog post about his trip to Washington, D.C., but it wasn't really helping him sort out his feelings, either about the trip or in general. He didn't know _what_ to think anymore thanks to Denmark and then France, although the resulting scuttlebutt had made it even clearer that secrecy was the way to go. He had never seen the point in coming out, anyway: who cares if you're not dating anyone? He didn't think Brandenburg would much care either about the distinction between and "doesn't" and "can't." France had said that no love was impossible, but Prussia couldn't feel love in the first place, so it didn't seem to apply.

He turned over on his side, and Gilbird cheeped at him. Stretching up, Prussia cupped Gilbird in his hand and brought him down to sit next to him on the bed. "Bet you had a better few days than me, huh?" Gilbird cheeped again and nuzzled into his fingers. The little bird had been worried about him for quite a while, and Prussia was both touched and grateful. Stroking Gilbird's feathers gently, he said, "Love you too, little guy."

Gilbird cheeped again, and a jolt of some kind of enlightenment struck Prussia. He loved Gilbird, and his brother, and his awesome friends, and even some of those endearing losers he lent his expertise at video games to. He'd call those feelings love, and had said as much to their faces, but he never had to Brandenburg.

He used to say as much, in the privacy of his own journal. It hadn't been so long ago when he was too uptight to admit to any feelings aloud, especially such a squishy one as love, but in his heart he'd always loved his close friends and his family. If pressed, he probably would have said he loved Brandenburg the most. But as times had changed and he had changed, he'd become more open with everyone _except_ the person he was supposedly closest to.

He knew now that Brandenburg meant something different when he said "love," but he hadn't said it before that revelation either. Why not?

He was tempted to bury his head in his pillow again.

***

Something about Vienna always made under his skin itch. Prussia had several theories, but it didn't matter since he didn't come very often. Not unless he was desperate, like now.

The door opened, and Austria raised both his eyebrows, blinking rapidly as if unable to believe his eyes. Well, Prussia didn't believe it either, so that made two of them. Great.

"Hey," Prussia tried simply, adding on a sheepish smile.

"Come in," Austria finally said, probably worried to death his neighbors would see and think him rude for leaving a guest on the doorstep or something. "There is cake," he said, leading Prussia into the sitting room, and Prussia knew better than to turn down something Austria had baked.

"Sounds good." He waited awkwardly just inside the doorway until Austria came back and gave him a look.

"I do not make my guests stand," he said disapprovingly, setting down two slices of cake. "The coffee will take a moment."

Prussia felt a little bad for barging in and then putting Austria to all the trouble of making cake and coffee, but he didn't know how to say so without getting censured again. "Thanks," he said as he drifted to an armchair.

"It's no trouble. I usually give most of what I make to the neighbors, so it's no different sharing it with you."

"You don't entertain much anymore?"

"Not nearly as much as I'd like, no," Austria said primly. "I would offer my skills on commission instead, but there is too much to do for the government to allow for that, I'm afraid."

Prussia frowned. Was he the only one who was good only for being a Nation? Even Austria, who had never been particularly good for anything, had a skill he could use in the regular world.

"The coffee should be done," Austria said, getting up again. He was silent as he came back and prepared the coffee, and nothing about his aura encouraged conversation. Finally, after everything was served, he took a moment to collect himself, then said, "Now we may discuss why you're here."

"It could be a social call," Prussia said, nervousness fluttering in his stomach. Austria gave him a look over his glasses as if to say, "We both know that it's not," so Prussia took a sip and then said, "Does that offer from a few months ago still stand?"

"If it didn't, I shouldn't think I'd have let you in."

"I just-- it's a complicated situation, but you're probably the only one who'd understand all the nuances." Austria waited patiently for him to go on, so Prussia did. "Has West ever explained to you how things are in his house?"

"I know that you live there, but the others have their own homes."

"They do, but they visit Berlin a lot. Sometimes there are three or four there at once. And... it's not exactly harmonious. You know."

"I certainly might," Austria said wryly, "but as you have never gotten along with them, I don't see why it should have become a problem now."

"I used to get along with _one_ of them," Prussia said into his coffee, "and between the two of us, we could just mock the others until we were laughing too hard to be annoyed anymore. I would spend a lot of time visiting him, too. It wasn't so bad."

"And you alienated this person somehow?"

"Yeah. Without him around, it's hard to--" Prussia interrupted himself. "I'm not saying we're at each other's throats or anything. If push came to shove, we'd help each other out, we just don't _like_ each other, you know? West doesn't know, so don't tell him. We all know he doesn't need any more stress, and like you said, it's not like there's anything he could do; we've never liked each other."

Austria's brow wrinkled. "I'm slightly confused. Is this problem to do with your friction with the other States or your estranged ally?"

"The latter," Prussia said. "I could come up with some BS excuse for moving out of West's if it came to that, but that still wouldn't fix things with..."

"Am I meant to pretend this person's identity is a secret?" Austria said, cutting through his cake with his fork to take a bite.

"It's just hard to talk about," Prussia said, wishing he was anywhere but there more and more fervently.

"Yet here you are." Prussia didn't respond, hiding behind eating the cake, so Austria said with a sigh, "What did you do that warrants such a grudge?"

"I don't think it's what I did so much as what I didn't do," Prussia said. "It's a long story, but it comes down to he apparently loves me in a way I don't reciprocate, and we didn't find that out under the best of circumstances."

Austria didn't say anything, and Prussia couldn't read what his silence meant. "I _do_ love him, in my own way, just, I can't--"

"You don't or you can't?" Prussia hated it when Austria was perceptive, even if that's exactly the quality that made him good at giving advice.

"I just don't," Prussia lied.

"Well then," Austria said. "What else is left for you to do?"

The words were like ice water. "What?" he repeated numbly.

"This is just my observation," Austria said matter-of-factly, "but I believe he was under the impression you were each the most important people in each other's lives. It may be cliché of him to attach greater expectations to that kind of relationship, but it's certainly not unexpected. One imagines that if you were going to choose him to fill that role in your life, you would have done so by now. The kindest thing to do in my opinion then is to give him space to readjust your position in his life. It is doubtless the only way your friendship might survive."

The edges of the saucer were digging into his hand. He wondered distantly if he was going to break it.

"Preußen?" Austria asked, sounding slightly concerned. "Surely you don't think it's right to keep him hanging on if there's someone else--"

"There is no one else, and there's not going to be," Prussia said lowly.

"I'm confused again. I thought you said--"

"I can't, okay?" Prussia snarled. "I can't. Are you happy now?"

"I assume that since you lied to me, you lied to him too?"

"Dammit--!"

"No, I don't think so. I shouldn't help you at all after that."

He was right. Prussia let his shoulder's drop, finally giving up. If he was going to keep up this pretense of being normal, then he should take Austria's advice and let Brandenburg go. Hell, he probably should anyway. He wasn't _interested_ in romance or whatever bullshit, and it would only be decent of him to give Brandenburg some space. He put down his cup on the table, ready to retreat, but Austria stopped him.

"I shouldn't help you, but I will." Prussia froze. "What is it exactly you want from him?"

"He's-- he's like coming home." Prussia had never put much stock in having a home, but it made more sense if home was a person.

"If you already know, then what are you waiting for?"

"I don't want-- You're right, I should get out of his way..."

Austria's expression soured as if he thought Prussia _particularly_ slow. "How generous of you, to make his decisions for him."

"He's already told me what he wants from me, and I can't be that," Prussia protested.

"That is not something that should engender feelings of betrayal," Austria countered, "so I can therefore only surmise that you have not told him that he wasn't wrong about his importance to you. I imagine _that_ is what he wants to hear, especially since it is only now that the depth of his feelings for you have come to light."

The idea brought him up short. Brandenburg had implied he'd felt the way he did about Prussia for quite a while, and yet he'd never pushed for anything past the boundaries of the relationship they'd had. Because he was afraid, or because he understood Prussia just as well as Prussia had always thought he did?

"What should I say?" he said pitifully.

"The truth should suffice." The "you idiot" was unspoken.

***

"Don't close the door!" Prussia threw out both hands as if it could stop Brandenburg from slamming the door in his face.

"We're not doing this on the doorstep," Brandenburg said, eyes narrowed. So he was still angry. Prussia had expected that. He did keep Prussia in his foyer, however, positioning himself in the doorway to the rest of the house as if to stop Prussia from getting in.

Every instinct was screaming at Prussia to leave, _not to tell_ , but he pushed them aside. "If you're going to hate me, I at least want you to hate me for the truth, okay?"

Brandenburg's face was as neutral as ever, but he was listening.

"The reason why I laughed, the reason why I'm always so loud and crude about that kind of stuff is... It's me trying to cover. But I don't have to do that around you. You never asked me to be anyone but who I was. You're my _home_."

"Oh, am I? You never said."

"I'm telling you now. I can't go back and change things, but, just--" He shoved one of his old journals at Brandenburg. "here. I never intended for anyone to read it, so you can be sure it's the unvarnished truth."

Brandenburg knew very well what Prussia's diaries meant to him and how private he considered them to be. He hesitated in taking the bound volume in hand, probably in deference to so many years of being kept out of them.

It was a page from back when they were still Brandenburg-Prussia, but Prussia had recognized early on how much he valued Brandenburg's company, probably even before he'd gotten over resenting being tied to such a boring guy from the middle of nowhere. He didn't remember all of his diary entries; that's why he kept journals in the first place. This one, though, he remembered clearly even now, because it had been the first time he'd put the name "love" on how important Brandenburg was to him.

"I don't get it," Brandenburg finally said in a tight voice, fingers trailing over the ink a second time and then a third. "Why didn't you just say so?"

"I was happy how we were. That's all I want." Brandenburg started to frown again, and Prussia forced himself to say, "That's more than I want from anyone else."

"Hey," Brandenburg said, and it wasn't until he put a comforting hand on Prussia's arm that he realized he'd been physically shaking without even knowing. "You didn't have to lie to me. Not to me."

"I'm sorry," Prussia breathed.

"I always knew things weren't going to work out how I wanted them to, but I just wanted to know I was... loved. That's all." There was still an edge of barely controlled anger in his voice.

"You _are_."

"Then _say it_ ," Brandenburg challenged back.

"I love you!" Prussia yelled.

"I love you back!" Brandenburg yelled back, but even though it sounded like they were arguing, hearing the words revived confidence he hadn't realized was missing, the confidence that had always let him go out into the fray wearing love as if it was woven into his armor and that had always led him back home.

Prussia let out a long breath. "I missed you," he said quietly.

"Well, I've been here. Waiting for you, like always." Brandenburg's tone was aloof as he turned to lead the way into his house, but Prussia could hear the contentment underneath it. He smiled, following just a second behind. He was home.


End file.
